Saturday, March 9, 2013

I Actually Tried Flirting!

On Wednesday, I was riding the PATH train from school to Hoboken so I could go home. When I got on the train, a cute guy around my age sat down next to me. He had other seating options - there were plenty of seats on the train - but he chose to sit next to me.

I smiled at him.

This genuinely surprised me because I generally panic when attractive men around my age are near me. I don't know what to do and I'm afraid they'll reject me just like the boys in my middle school who told me how hideously ugly and horrible I was. For whatever reason, though, on Wednesday I had the courage to look at him and give him a smile.

I shot him a few sideways glances as the train shot underneath lower Manhattan and the Hudson River, too shy still to look at him outright except for our reflections in the window on the other side of the car. I could see that he seemed to have a headache, as he kept massaging his forehead, looking rather tired. I felt a sudden pang of regret that I didn't have any Advil in my saddle bag to offer to him. At the same time, I noticed my heart was pounding in my chest in a way that I hadn't felt it do since I was a freshman in college. I was feeling physical attraction towards somebody in real life.

As we neared Hoboken, I decided that I might as well try to give him one last smile before we went our separate ways. I decided to use the pratfalling abilities I'd picked up back in my theatre days (which were in middle school and didn't last all too long). I stood up as the train closed in on the station, holding onto the pole near me. When the train stopped and he too stood up, I let go of the pole and shifted my weight slightly to allow myself to stagger in front of him. I said, "Sorry!" and gave him one last big smile before we separated and went off to our own lives.

I giddily hopped into my dad's car and spent a good portion of the ride home feeling proud of myself. I had made an attempt to flirt that didn't scare a guy away - I wasn't told I was gross or ugly or creepy. The guy even sat next to me - so close that we were bumping elbows the entire train ride - when he could've sat next to someone else or even not next to anybody. That night, I cried myself to sleep with relief knowing that maybe, I might not be undateable after all.


  1. Not only is my Joe like you in the fact that he too is from New Jersey, but he felt this same way when we first met!
    We have been together now for 6 years!
    We met online!
    The only thing I was sad for was he never told me even after our first physical date about what he had & that he took medications & saw a doctor.
    I understood his fear, but looking back I am very sure that he laughs it off!
    I told him many times after we were living together that it never would have kept me from continuing on from any point at the beginning of meeting him!
    I have mental issues myself, & we had laughed it off because even though I had told him my illnesses he was still very much in fear that he'd never had gotten a chance with me unless he tried his best to keep it from me...
    This was very far from the truth as the only thing different was my fear of even though i told him my mental things, it would have been so much easier to tell him those things had I known he had something so very much in common!
    Silly Joe!
    No need to fret!
    No one on earth is perfect!
    Tabby from Pennsylvania
    P.S.- He even moved here to Pennsylvania with me & to this day we do have our struggles but what a beautiful journey we have went through together since!

  2. I'm still scared, definitely, but flirting is something I'll hopefully figure out down the road! I'm glad you two have turned out to be such a great match and you're happy together!

    I'm never sure when the right time to disclose that I have Asperger's is - I'd guess probably a date or two in, once I know I can trust the guy, is safe, but I'm a little worried about misunderstandings still. Here's hoping I get lucky and find someone as great as yours!