Sunday, November 27, 2011

Identifying With Fictional People

It's been my lot as long as I can remember. I don't even fully understand why, but I've always had trouble identifying with real people, but never with fictional characters. I mean, I know why I don't identify well with real people - I have Asperger's. But when you see yourself in fictional people all the time and yet never in real people, what is that supposed to mean?

It hadn't happened to me for a while, mostly because I didn't have too much time to enjoy fiction when I was a college student. Then I came home and watched lots of anime again. Now I'm seeing myself everywhere.

This is my most recent case:

His name is Kyouhei Sera. He's a forward for fictional soccer team East Tokyo United. He wears his emotions on his face, is overly enthusiastic (or upset, or...well, he's overly-any-emotion-he-feels), is smaller than everyone else on the team at 5'4" (I'm 5'2"), and is so single-minded in his pursuit of scoring goals that he blocks out everything else in his thought process. It kind of disturbs me how much he reminds me of myself.

And yet everyone loves him. They all think he's adorable and dorky and sweet. I'd love it if someone would think that about me. I'm so used to being seen as loud and annoying and frustrating and awkward that I can't even possibly comprehend the idea of being lovable the way he is. I see myself in him and yet I can't understand why people think his character is adorable and yet in real life I struggle so much. Maybe that's just it - he's fictional and I'm real.

When you're fictional, people can look at you from a distance and use you to examine themselves. They can like you as a character. When you're real, they actually have to interact with that character, and that's where people struggle.

Anyway, Sera's what people online would refer to as my 'spirit animal' now. We're so clearly the same person that it makes me happy. It's nice once in a while to find someone just like you, even if they're not real.

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